look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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