Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
