Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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