Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We named our party play list daddy issues
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
