I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize