how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
