So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
