On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
