omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
