I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
