I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
