I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
