What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
