saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
