There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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