Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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