sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
