Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
