Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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