Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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