Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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