I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
