I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
