Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
