Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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