1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
