I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
