So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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