Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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