I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
