dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
