I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
