My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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