5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
