...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
