Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
