i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
