i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
