if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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