R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
