Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
