We named our party play list daddy issues
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
