i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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