He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
