Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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