508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
They have beer where we have blood.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
