He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
