i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
