if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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