Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
