Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
me + whiskey = a bad person
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
