he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
