dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize