i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think your dad took our porno
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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