Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
