even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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