So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
