Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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