yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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