i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
