But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
