I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
