I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Randomize
