Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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