If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You did what with his pubic hair?
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