Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
