smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
